Glenn Williams

Glenn Williams is a psychologist and the CEO of Focus on the Family Australia.

1. What is Covenant Marriage?

Simply, Covenant Marriage requires married couples by law, to commit to both premarital and pre-divorce counselling. This law acknowledges that marriage is a lifelong commitment.

This law was first introduced in the State of Louisiana (15th August, 1997) due to the attempts of Republican Senator Tony Perkins to save marriages. Senator Perkins believes that Western society has become a "culture of divorce" where an understanding of what it means to be committed in a marriage relationship has been lost. Covenant Marriage is unashamedly an attempt to break the cycle of divorce.

Under the Covenant Marriage Act, a recitation by the parties to be married says -

"We do solemnly declare that marriage is a Covenant between a man and a woman who agree to live together as husband and wife for so long as they both may live. We have chosen each other carefully and disclosed to one another everything, which could adversely affect the decision to enter into this marriage. We have received premarital counselling on the nature, purposes, and responsibilities of marriage. We have read the Covenant Marriage Act, and we understand that a Covenant Marriage is for life. If we experience marital difficulties, we commit ourselves to take all reasonable efforts to preserve our marriage, including marital counselling."¹

The Covenant Marriage Act means that couples in Louisiana can now choose between a Covenant Marriage and the traditional marriage. By choosing this, couples give up their right to a no-fault divorce. Unless a spouse can demonstrate fault on the part of his or her partner - adultery, abandonment, abuse - the law requires a two-year wait before a divorce may be granted.

There is also a provision in the Act that allows already-married couples to convert their conventional marriage to a Covenant one. However, these couples must still receive premarital counselling.

The intention of Senator Perkins and the Covenant Marriage Act has not been to eliminate divorce, but to make marriage more successful. It is simply recognition by the State that the institution of marriage is important, and the permanence of that relationship is vital to the well being of society.

2. Why Covenant Marriage?

Marriages are worth saving

There are numerous studies, even recently, on marriage, divorce and children, showing that there is more and more evidence coming out that marriage is good for people. People who are married are happier, healthier, and live longer.

Marriages lead to greater well-being

In spite of many people claiming that the institution of marriage is outdated or no longer necessary for the stability of society, social science researchers have begun offering a different message. Glenn Stanton, social research analyst and author of 'Why Marriage Matters - Reasons To Believe In Marriage In Postmodern Society', gives solid reasons to believe in marriage after having examined exhaustively the state of marriage in American society.² Briefly, these are:

• Men and women who marry enjoy better health than other relationship forms
• Alcoholism and problem drinking are less common
• Marriage has the weakest relationship to the suicide rate
• Married people have the lowest morbidity rates
• Compared to nonmarital cohabiting relationships, spouses were more likely to receive help with household duties, and much less likely to become victims of domestic violence
• One of the most significant studies - involving 3,432 scientifically selected participants - found that "in real life, the unheralded, seldom-discussed world of married sex is actually the one that satisfies people the most"
• Children benefit more from an intact marriage and suffer greatly without it
• Intact marriages and families are less likely to lead to teenage pregnancies and divorce
• Children of sole parents, defacto families and stepfamilies are at greater risk of becoming delinquents, criminals and homeless
• No matter how poverty is measured, single-parent families are the poorest

People are still getting married - so let's create a culture that supports marriage

According to the 1991 Census conducted by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, over eighty percent (80%) of young people want to marry. There are also over 100,000 marriages each year.³ Given that this figure is as high as it is, we must choose to be more responsible in the way that marriage is presented. Clearly there needs to be a greater commitment by government and our educational system to promote marriage as being the healthiest lifestyle.

Although defacto relationships are increasing, with 8 percent of all couples cohabiting according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies (1992), they are a relatively small proportion of all couples. These relationships largely "occur in early adulthood prior to marriage or following marriage breakdown, and are less stable than formal marriages."⁴ By encouraging defacto relationships or cohabitation, the well being of those relationships and the children in those homes are at risk.

According to the results of a study on What Marriage Means For Adults and Children, these type of relationships compared to marriage are, "more unstable, lacking as it does even the nominal commitments and long-term expectations that still characterise most marriages, and attractive, as the evidence shows it to be, to individuals distinguished by a complex of motives and values different to those held by men and women who choose marriage."⁵

The rate of break-up for those in a defacto relationship is somewhere between five and ten times higher than the rate of divorce. The impact of this on children cannot be ignored, and is even more significant when one considers that one-parent families as a proportion of all families with dependent children increased from 14% to 19% between 1986 and 1996.⁶

Under these circumstances of more divorce and more cohabitation, increasing numbers of children experience childhood in homes lacking one of the natural parents, more usually the father. Today, almost one child in five lives apart from its natural father.

Unfortunately, because this information is rarely communicated to our young people as they enter adulthood, many choose to live in a defacto relationship without being aware of the consequences or the risks involved. Of great concern is that approximately 56% of couples who marry, choose to live together first (cohabitate).⁷

Marriages, especially Covenant Marriages, are not motivated by a political agenda, but instead by the overwhelming evidence that strong marriages provide greater well being for the couple and the children. If this is the case, then as Maley states, "If we have the well-being of children at heart, then public policies that exacerbate or encourage those risks are bad policies, at least in relation to child well-being."⁸ We must be wary of the prevailing or politically correct orthodoxy that 'flexible' families should be encouraged.

Marital conflict doesn't have to be terminal

An increasing number of people have a very trial-oriented view of marriage. It is very casual, lightly considered, easily entered into and easily left. Instead, Covenant Marriage communicates the permanence of, and lifelong commitment to marriage. Couples who enter into a Covenant Marriage are basically saying to each other that they are not going to be naïve about the challenges they will face once they marry. They have a mutual recognition that there will be times of conflict, misunderstanding, hurt feelings, and where each other's needs are overlooked or ignored. The inevitability of these things occurring does not necessarily mean that the couple is incompatible.

However, under the Covenant Marriage Act, couples commit themselves to premarital counselling, counselling during the marriage if necessary, and pre-divorce counselling. If these steps are available, there is less likelihood for couples to allow such issues to become terminal.

Governments, relationship counsellors and churches know that marriages get into difficulty ... we need to have the foresight to help a couple move in a direction that will preserve their marriage.

It communicates a strong message for the next generation

Government, through its laws, has weakened the institution of marriage to where it has little meaning. Legally, under the current no-fault divorce structure there is very little difference between living with someone and being married. Either way, your partner can get up one morning and leave with basically no strings attached. It seems that society is losing the ability to admire and appreciate couples who hang in there and who have the attitude that they are there to stay no matter how difficult it gets.

Perkins believes that Covenant Marriage also sends a strong message to the next generation. "How can we expect the next generation ... to display selfless commitment unless they first see it in their own homes, between their parents? Our children are only going to model the behaviour they see in us."9

3. The Benefits of Covenant Marriage

Covenant Marriage will not save the family, or eliminate divorce. It does however, change the focus from making marriages easier to dissolve when a person has had enough, to that of strengthening the marriage and providing greater security for the family.

Better protection for women and children

Initially, opposers of the Covenant Marriage Act believed that making pre-divorce counselling mandatory could be dangerous for women who are trying to escape an abusive marriage. However, Covenant Marriage actually affords abused women more protection, as domestic violence and physical cruelty are grounds for immediate divorce only in a Covenant Marriage. They are not grounds for divorce in a conventional marriage, where the couples must still sit out the waiting period in order to obtain a no-fault divorce.

The Covenant Marriage Act reads that a person can apply for immediate divorce on the grounds that:

"(4) The other spouse has physically or sexually abused the spouse seeking the divorce or a child of one of the spouses."¹⁰

Women will be afforded greater protection because they don't have to choose between living on the street and an abusive home. If an abused wife desires a divorce or a legal separation, she will be the offended party and that will be reflected in the award of alimony. She would also be afforded financial protection during the legal separation. This is not available currently if she was attempting to escape domestic violence.

It helps adults break the 'divorce' cycle for their own families

The importance of Covenant Marriage has not been lost on couples who have come from families where their parents have either separated or divorced. Evidence indicates that many have seen Covenant Marriage as a way to break the cycle and protect themselves and their children from the tragedy of divorce. Senator Perkins says that these couples "understand firsthand the helplessness that they have experienced through the no-fault divorce process. They have been hurt, they have been wounded and are not going to live through that again."¹¹

This is an encouraging trend in the light of evidence quoted by Patricia Morgan of the Centre for Independent Studies based in Sydney, who says that:

"The children of divorce are also predisposed to repeat patterns of marital disruption and single parenthood in their own lives, with daughters being far more likely to have teenage births, pre-marital births and failed marriages compared to girls who grew up in undisrupted homes. For sons, divorce can be the first link in a chain of educational failure, early termination of training, poor mental or physical health, poor employment prospects, low marriageability and an increased chance of dropping out of the workforce entirely by their mid-30s."¹²

As required by Covenant Marriage, compulsory premarital counselling helps to reduce the risk of negative patterns of behaviour, which can result from childhood experiences. Naturally, this also has positive ramifications for the parenting phase.

Covenant Marriage cannot be entered into lightly

Covenant Marriage causes couples to consider their desire to be married as a life long commitment rather than a momentary gratification of emotion or feeling. Twenty percent (20%) of couples who go to premarital counselling choose not to get married. "Avoiding a bad marriage is just as good as creating a good marriage."¹³

4. Should Covenant Marriage Be Made Law In Australia?

Divorce will always be with us, and in some cases, rightly so. However, if the introduction of some of the ideals addressed in Covenant Marriage in Australia helps five to ten percent of marriages survive that were otherwise headed for divorce, then that's significant. Coercing people into marriage per se, or even Covenant Marriage, is not likely to provide a strong basis for the relationship. One of the features of Covenant Marriage is, that it is optional. It is a choice between a man and a woman who recognises that marriage at its best is a lifelong commitment.

According to Dr. Steven L. Nock, Professor of Sociology, University of Virginia who is part of a team conducting a longitudinal study on Covenant Marriage, there are some very positive signs about the benefits of Covenant Marriage for a couple. However, although the study is still incomplete, some early findings indicate that:¹⁴

• 62 percent of husbands and 70 percent of wives who entered into a covenant marriage found premarital discussions about the possibility of covenant marriage helpful, whereas only 17 percent of those who entered into a standard marriage reported that discussions around covenant marriage was helpful
• Wives were much more likely to want the option of entering into a covenant marriage
• Covenant couples appear to be different before they marry, in that they are more religious, and more committed to traditional views of marriage. Therefore any differences that are apparent 4-5 years after covenant marriage may be due to differences that existed before the marriage
• 94 percent of wives and 91 percent of husbands who entered into a covenant marriage report that they are pleased with their choice, in contrast to 55 percent of husbands and wives who entered into a standard marriage (approximately one-third reported that it really didn't matter what kind of marriage they had)

On evidence to date, Focus on the Family Australia believes that Covenant Marriage appears to provide couples and families with a stronger, more secure and stable basis for ensuring that as much as possible is done to make the marriage succeed. Its key points include:

• Choice
• Being in favour of something rather than against
• Forcing a discussion on the outcome of the decision to marry
• Repopularising commitment
• Deterring knee-jerk divorces over the normal conflicts of marriage
• It is designed to raise the stakes of marriage and strengthen the family unit

Although many have suggested that the current no-fault divorce system in Australia doesn't work, and that the current awarding of alimony payments is unjust, this is not the immediate issue to be addressed.

Focus on the Family Australia believes that the introduction of those elements of Covenant Marriage in regards to education and counselling, is the first, important step towards creating a culture that supports and promotes healthy marriages.

Couples should be able to choose between a standard marriage contract under the no-fault system and a stronger Covenant Marriage contract.

Let's start talking marriage rather than divorce.

Endnotes

  1 The Covenant Marriage Act, Act 1380, House Bill No.756, 1997.p.4.

 2 Stanton, Glenn, Why Marriage Matters - Reasons To Believe In Marriage In Postmodern Society, Pinon Press: Colorado, 1997; as summarised in Focus on the Family Citizen magazine, April 1998, Vol. 12, No. 4, pp.19-21.

 3 1996 Marriages and Divorces, Australian Bureau of Statistics, ABS Catalogue No. 3310.0.

 4 Gezer, Helen, "Cohabitation and Marriage Relationships in the 1990s", Family Matters, Australian Institute of Family Studies, Winter 1997, Issue No. 47, pp. 5-9.

 5 Maley, Barry, "What Marriage Means For Adults and Children", Wedlock & Well-being, CIS Policy Monographs 33, The Centre For Independent Studies, Marooka, QLD:1996, p.4.

 6 "One-Parent Families", Australian Social Trends 1997, Australian Bureau of Statistics, ABS Catalogue No. 4102.0. p. 34.

 7 "Age At First Marriage", Australian Social Trends 1997, Australian Bureau of Statistics, ABS Catalogue No. 4102.0. p.28.

 8 Maley, Ibid., p.9.

 9 Hooten, Jeff, "Tying The Knot A Whole Lot Tighter", Focus on the Family Citizen, April 1998, Vol. 12, No. 4, p. 7.

 10 Section 307, The Covenant Marriage Act, Act 1380, House Bill No.756, 1997.p.8.

 11 Hooten, Ibid., p.9.

 12 Morgan, Patricia, "Conflict and Divorce: Like A Horse And Carriage?", Home Repairs - Building Stronger Families To Resist Social Decay, The Centre for Independent Studies, Broadway, NSW:1996, p. 70.

 13 Louisiana Covenant Marriage Fact Sheet, 1997.

  14 Covenant Marriage Turns Five Years Old, Steven L. Nock, Laura Sanchez, Julia C. Wilson and James D. Wright, U of M Law School Publications Centre, September 15, 2003.